Both my mom and dad were adopted. What does that mean to a child? For me it means that my family history stops right there. When I hear of people with cancers and other hereditary issues I stop and ponder if I could have those. When the doctor asks for a medical history of my family all I know is if my parents have ever had anything and beyond that I know nothing.
My dad has no desire to find his birth family. My mom on the other hand has always been curious. Not that she doesn't love the family that she grew up with. She is grateful for them and loves them all dearly. But that doesn't change her desire to see some resemblence in a family member, to know if she is anything like someone else, or to know why they put her up for adoption. She has asked me over the years to see if I could help her. And I have tried numerous times in the past. But unfortunately documents are sealed and unless there is a medical reason to open them then you are out of luck.
In November I seen a show on television about adoption. I seen my mom start to cry quietly as she watched it. She didn't want us to see how it bothered her but I noticed. I decided to once again try to find her birth family for her. And so the story begins.
I had her birth record from a previous time that I had searched for them and all I was given was a woman's name in the birth mom section. I had searched for this woman so many times and yet she misteriously didn't exist anywhere. But I was going to try again so I got online. I logged into a site http://www.gsadoptionregistry.com/ that I had previously posted an ad on looking for any information on this woman. And low and behold it said there was a message waiting for me (thank goodness that it didn't expire after being unread for five years!). On that message was a volunteer search person offering to help me. Thank God for that email! It snowballed so fast from there. This volunteer was unbelievable, working at all hours of the night, on Thanksgiving day, and in two weeks found her birth family when I had spent 10 years looking on my own!
I didn't want to call this family on Thanksgiving so I waited until the next day. My mom was flooded with emotions ranging from utter fear of rejection to excitement. She wanted me to make that call. This call would be to whom we believed was the son of the birth mom. The birth mom and dad were deceased.
So come Friday morning I was sweating bullets as I lifted the phone. I had a piece of paper with all the information we knew on it so I could keep my story straight if I lost control of my emotions. So here is the conversation:
Me: "Hi is this so and so?"
Woman: "yes this is his house but he isn't home right now"
Okay the information that I had isn't the kind you leave on a message so at this point I thought I could say I was looking into geneoly and that was why I just wanted to confirm his mom, or I could be honest and tell her the story. I have never been a good liar.
Me: "Please just bear with me for one moment, is his mom's name such and such?"
Woman: "yes"
Me: "okay this is going to sound very strange but please just listen to me. I have a birth certificate that states that such and such (mom) is my mom's mother."
Woman: "Can you hold on?"
Before I could answer she held the phone to her chest and I could hear her yell to her husband, "Gary you need to come in here right now. There is a woman on the phone that is your niece." My heart is racing thinking, nice now this guy thinks I am a loon! But to my amazement they put me on speaker phone and I recalled the information that I had. Unbelievably the guy remembers being in our town that very year, living in the house that is at the address given on the certificate, and remembers his dad working at a place the volunteer search person had found proof of them living in the area.
As the conversation progressed things all started to fit in place. Emotions were running high and Gary wanted to speak to my mom but he wanted to collect himself first. So we hung up and he called back in a little bit and for the first time my mom spoke to her birth brother. We have comunicated ever since with them.
We learned that my mom has three brothers and one sister. The reason she was given up for adoption is rather sad. They were a poor family, as most families were at that time, and they couldn't afford a mouth to feed if that child wouldn't be able to help on the farm. Yep, she was a girl and unfortunately there wasn't any room in that family for a girl so she was left. It tormented the mom so just a month after my mom's birth they loaded up and move out of state. Years later that mom gave birth (accidental pregnancy) to another girl and they also placed that daughter with another family. The mom then went into a deep depression and died shortly thereafter. The father was firm that boys were worth more as they could work to earn their keep, girls weren't of such value.
As sad as that was to hear it was nice to find closure in what had happened and to have the opportunity to see photos of their family (similarities are obvious) and to have contact with. When winter is over we are planning on heading East to meet them.
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